Darren’s Story

As written by his father, Bob

Darren, beloved son of Bob and Lynda, brother to Michelle, uncle to Chloe, was born in Luton, Bedfordshire, England, at 12.30pm approx, on Friday, 15th December, 1978, weighing in at 9lb 1oz, it was a C-section delivery. He was perfect in every way. When he was about nine months old we moved to Watford, Hertfordshire.

He was in the Cub and Scouts where he gained the “Gold Arrow” and the “Chief Scout’s Award”. He enjoyed camping, and his group had a competition for the most nights under canvas in a year. He came 3rd, 2nd, 3rd but never 1st. The one year he would have got the most nights the competition was cancelled. One year he managed to spend 50 nights under canvas. Darren and I took part in the annual Father and Son Camp as well. Darren’s hobbies at home included making model aircraft from kits and using the computer. He also liked Garfield the cat and he had a collection of Garfields (incidentally Garfield was created the same year Darren was born).

Education

While at school he showed an interest in art and music. We encouraged him to learn the acoustic guitar as an extra lesson (starting at about age 9) and he enjoyed doing that and as he still showed an interest we brought him an electric guitar and practice amplifier when he was 13. When he was 19 we brought him a Washburn acoustic guitar.

In his first year at senior school (aged 11) his art teacher told us that if Darren didn’t go on to take art at GCSE level he would want to know why! Well, Darren went on to choose art as one of his GCSE courses (aged 15), with a view to becoming a cartoonist or ‘something’ to do with art, but unfortunately the teacher he had on that course didn’t see eye-to-eye with Darren (or Darren didn’t see eye-to-eye with her). 

He was aiming for University for which he needed “A” levels but first of all he had to take GCSE’s and achieve “C” or above in 4 subjects. At the end of the GCSE course (aged 16) he achieved nine passes, but only three at “C” level or above, Maths, English Language and English Literature. He stayed on in sixth form to take a GNVQ course in Business Studies (which would enable him to take “A” levels) and he achieved this with merit, so he went to college to take art, computer studies and maths at “A” level (aged 17).

Unfortunately he didn’t get on with maths at “A” level, and he dropped that subject within months of starting. The computer studies lasted until the 2nd year (aged 18) but unfortunately the lecturers weren’t making a very good job of lecturing (that is, when they turned up) and he dropped out of that subject. Then in April 1998 (aged 19) for one reason or another (which we don’t know) Darren failed to complete a piece of work for art in time for a vital exam, so he ended up dropping out of college (or being asked to leave). After Darren had died when the art teacher at college gave one of Darren’s friends a few pieces of artwork to give to us that Darren had done, she held the charcoal drawing of a male model up to her class and said “this is an example of what you (talking to her students) should be aiming for”. We only found four pieces of art that he had completed, two we have on display in our house (the one pictured on the right is one of them), one Michelle has on display in her flat, the other one is at his Nan and Grandad’s (my Mum and Dad).

Friends

From school and college he formed some very close and loyal friendships. One was with a lad called Tom, whom he met in the first year of senior school (aged 11), he stayed friends with him even after finishing school and they used to meet up to go to the cinema or they used to go to Tom’s house where they were known to camp out in the garden. Another friendship Darren made was with Toby, they used to watch videos whilst eating takeaways. Darren was particularly fond of kebabs with extra chilli sauce. One night Toby said he would have a kebab as well but without the extra chilli. Darren “forgot’’and he ordered both with extra chilli, Toby took one bite and that was enough for him, we believe Darren eat two kebabs that night!!

He made friends with another lad from college, his name was Jimmy who had a girlfriend, Cheryl. The three of them used to go out together, they played pool, went to pubs (when Darren was nearly old enough!!) It turned out that Darren knew Cheryl from Junior School. When the three were together (which was quite a bit of the time) they just used to be mates together. One story we heard from Jimmy and Cheryl, was that there was one pub in Watford where Darren was turned away from because he was underage, so Darren went round to the back of the premises, climbed over the fence then knocked on the back door and said he had been shut out!!!

Work

Whilst still at school at the age of 15 he was working part-time at Wickes (a Builders/DIY Retail Outlet) in the Watford store as a cashier. During his time with them as a part-timer he progressed on to the Customer Service Desk. After finishing with education he applied for two full-time jobs with Wickes and he was offered both, one at Head Office, the other at Watford, which he chose, entitled Perpetual Inventory Control, a junior supervisory role. As a supervisor he was supposed to wear a shirt and tie (one that clips on), but invariably the tie was attached to his belt. But he got to grips with the job and the management was pleased with him. In fact within a few months of Darren starting the store had an audit and the report came back saying that the stock inventory was the best that the store had achieved.

Leisure

By now he had decided to start taking lessons on the electric guitar, he was also composing his own music, but unfortunately he didn’t put any down on paper, just lyrics to two songs he had written himself. He was showing Jimmy how to play the guitar as well, and Jim went and brought himself one and they were going to form a band!

With one of his first paychecks Darren brought himself a midi sound centre for his bedroom and he used to buy his own CD’s. After he died I went through his music collection and out of 156 CD’s, 25% were by R.E.M. When we were arranging Darren’s funeral I asked Jimmy and Cheryl what two records did they think Darren was most fond of and they chose R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts” and “Pussy Willow”. So we had “Everybody Hurts” at the start of the service and “Pussy Willow” as we left the chapel.

Darren used to like his hair cut in a particular way, but one day when he went to his usual hairdressers a trainee girl cut it but she didn’t cut it quite as he liked and he vowed never to have his hair cut again. So he grew his hair long but kept it washed and tied back in a pony tail, especially at work.

At home he was a fun-loving and pleasant son and gave us no trouble. He liked watching TV, mainly comedies (like Friends, Fraser, Beavis and Butthead, South Park, to name just a few), and cartoons as well as playing on the computer, playing his music or his guitar.

He did a bungee jump from 300ft up a crane above the River Thames and he was planning to go again with his work colleagues from Wickes when he got back from the holiday (he actually paid for it on his bank card and his work mates were going to pay him). He also arranged to go to a Rock Concert in London with his mate Toby in the September and he had paid for that as well.

He got on with people of all ages and everybody we spoke to said about his politeness.

We found out afterwards that he had on his nights out with Jimmy and Cheryl planned and carried out some pranks. Here follows a few of them. They painted a traffic island in a country lane where somebody’s private drive was. They painted the words “Beware of pot holes” on the road surface after the pot holes. They borrowed a flag from a golf course and planted it in Jimmy’s ex-girl friends garden. They painted on a blackboard to advertise a TV programme and put the blackboard on a traffic island and decorated the island with bunting “borrowed” from a nearby retail store (the blackboard is now in Michelle’s yard).

Memories

In the last 15 months or so of his life, a few things happened which gave some of us some very good memories.

In 1997 I got some free wristbands for a theme park for 4 people, so I asked Darren did he want to go and with whom. Darren said yes and said about going to the American Adventure theme park with his cousins. So Darren and I spent a weekend, visiting Darren’s cousins and spending a very enjoyable day at this theme park.

Then in the November/December 1997 I saw a holiday programme featuring a holiday to the Lakes and Mountains of  Northern Italy. Lynda and I talked about it and Darren said he would like to go as well. So the three of us spent a very enjoyable and memorable time together in the April of 1998 in Italy. We stayed in a town on the shores of Lake Garda, and we visited Venice, Verona (Romeo and Juliet fame) and we went up into the mountains where Darren stuffed a snow ball down my back. On this trip there were several people who were on their own and even though they were older than us, Darren still enjoyed having them join us on excursions.

We had also collected tokens from a National Newspaper which entitled us to go to a local portrait studio and have a “free” photo session and a “free” photograph. So Lynda, Darren, Michelle, Chloe and I went along and we walked out later having spent about £200 on an album of quite a few photographs. As it turned out it was the best money we spent, because we got some very good photographs of Darren and Michelle, along with Chloe. We have got nine of them framed and on display on our walls.

The End?

Unfortunately something was going on in his mind which we didn’t know about, all we noticed was a few “down” moments after work, which we put down to the strain of changing from being a student to a full-time employee with a responsible job. His friends said they noticed a change in him from April (that is when he finished at college) but he wouldn’t talk to them about the problem(s). 

Then in August, 1998, he went on holiday to France with his friends, Jimmy and Cheryl, to a farmhouse that belonged to someone that Cheryl knew. The plan was to drive to the ferry very early Tuesday morning in Darren’s car, so Darren was going to spend the night at Jimmy’s then leave from there.

When Darren was ready to leave for the first time he asked where I was and Lynda told him I was at work, so Darren phoned me and said goodbye, I said to him be careful how you drive out there and have a good time. He said goodbye to Lynda, went off and during the evening returned twice more for things he had forgotten.

After a few days we got a phone call from Jimmy’s mum telling us that she had spoken to Jimmy and that they were OK, and Darren had said to say “Kiss, Kiss to Mum and Kiss, Kiss, Kiss to Dad”. That was the last we heard from Darren.

On Monday, 31st August, a Bank Holiday, I had to work in the evening and Lynda was at home by herself. Then at about 8pm Lynda got a phone call from Cheryl who said Darren had gone. Lynda said what do mean ”gone?”. Eventually, Lynda got from Cheryl that Darren had hung himself.

All we could find out afterwards was that Darren had had a few more “down” moments. Then on that Monday he drove (apparently Jimmy had done most of the driving up till then) them into town for some more provisions, apparently on the way back Jimmy told Darren to slow down or he would miss the turning. Darren missed the turning, Jimmy turned round and said “I told you”, with that Darren got out of the car and refused to get back in. Jimmy and Cheryl tried but then gave up and returned to the farmhouse. Darren arrived on foot a bit later then went upstairs to a loft room and locked the door . . .

. . . he had decided he had had enough and took his own life. Unfortunately he didn’t leave a note or tell anyone why, so he has left us with the big unanswered question, “Why?” The picture with him and the unicorn was taken the day before he died and he’s feeding a chocolate bar to the stone unicorn and looking totally relaxed. He liked a few beers and on the evening before he died he consumed about 4-5 pints and on the day he drank one bottle that his friends knew about, but unfortunately the French authorities didn’t do a blood test. Because of the evidence and lack of proof of intent, the Coroner reached an Open verdict, because it couldn’t be disproved that the alcohol influenced him.

We know that Darren didn’t smoke, but we don’t know for sure whether he had tried drugs at any time, his friends say that he didn’t, but would they have admitted it if they also had tried. Again, not having a toxicology report, we can’t say for 100% that he didn’t. He wasn’t in financial trouble, his bank balance was healthier than ours! There was no girl friend problem (and no girl turned up afterwards claiming . . .). When we asked the local police could they confirm what we had been told, a police sergeant and a constable came to our house and asked, amongst other things, whether Darren had any distinguishing marks or jewellery. The answer was no, no tattoos, no body piercings, just a clean, fun-loving boy.

The Funeral

When it came to the funeral we decided to hold it in a small chapel in the grounds of the cemetery where we were going to lay him to rest, so many people turned up that it was standing room only, friends, neighbours, even from his old school. All the staff at Wickes in Watford wanted to be there, so they had to bring staff in from other areas to cover the store. We even had people from Wickes head office attend.

To finish off, the following two pieces was written by Jimmy and Cheryl and read out at Darren’s funeral.

First, Jimmy wrote: “Darren was a happy person from the first days I can remember him. He made light-hearted humour out of every situation be it good or bad. I have been privileged to have received his friendship and support over the last two years and regret only that

I was not able to share more of his life with him. It is his smile and laughter through which I can remember him. We will all miss  his inventive nature in both his humour and his personality. His creativity for any who heard his music or have seen any of his art work, was astounding that the talent which he possessed is a great loss to all who knew him and all who will never get the chance to know him.

He will be missed”.

Cheryl wrote: 

We are gathered here today to say goodbye to a dear friend,

Though each and everyone of us should know it’s not the end

Darren will live on in everybody’s heart,

Let us not forget his talents, his humour, friendship, music and art.

We will all remember his smile and his goergeous long blond hair,

Remember all the good times, when he was always there.

Darren, I will miss you, you were my best friend,

My thoughts will always be with you, signed your little penguin friend.

xxx

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The “After Darren”

On the following pages you can see what we have done to keep his name and memory going. We have been involved in Support Groups, like The Compassionate Friends, Survivors of Bereavement By Suicide and Parents of Suicides.